We are like magic and who doesn’t love magic...March 27, 2022
My Dearest Obsession,
I. Love. You.
Three words. Three words that when put together in one short sentence evoke so much emotion. I've been thinking about us telling each other I love you a lot. I think about the way it makes me feel, my heart fluttering as it skips a beat. A deep inhale because I need to catch my breath. I think about the way people react when I tell them we say I love you “already”. I think about timelines and time constructs and people’s opinions and perceptions. I think about what people must secretly be saying, how crazy they must think we are. I think about it A LOT and then…then I take a deep breath and I exhale.
I exhale all of the overwhelming thoughts in one giant breath because then…..then I think of YOU.
I think about the way you speak to me and look at me. I think about the way you hold me, so tender, enveloped in your arms. I think about how beautiful you make me feel and how you lift me up with praise and adoration that is genuine and kind. I think about the way you express your desire for me. I think about how much of your time you give to me, countless hours spent on the phone, sometimes just listening to me type. I catch you watching me, staring almost in disbelief that I exist. Sometimes I pretend not to notice because my mind is suspended in its own disbelief of your existence. I think about how remarkably open you are to trying new things and how you effortlessly hold space in times that may be outside of your comfort zone. I think about how willing you are to take a leap of faith into a pool of uncertainty even after I have made the water impossibly deep. I think about how communicative you are and the fact that you are not afraid to speak your mind. I think about how you own your truth while still honoring mine. I think about how gentle you are with my feelings and careful with my heart. I think and I think and I think and I think……
I close my eyes and I can see you as clear as if you are standing in front of me. You say the words "I LOVE YOU" while staring deep into my soul. It is not said frivolously and you are not saying I love you just to hear it come out of your mouth but rather to give the words a life of their own. They pour over me and I don’t just hear them, I FEEL them. It doesn’t matter that it has only been a little over a month. It doesn’t matter that we expressed our love only 10 days after being put in a group chat with each other. I’ve meant it since the moment I said it and I knew it even days before that. I trusted it. I trusted you. I trusted myself so I leaned in and asked you to do the same because I could feel you wanting to exist in this space with me. A space that made absolutely no sense but somehow all the sense in the world. An instant connection, soul to soul, never having met in real life but somehow knowing every part of you.
I. Love. You.
Three words that have now bonded us for life. We never really think about that do we? You are now forever a part of me, a part of my story, my life’s adventure and I yours. We will forever hold a place in each other’s hearts. We will forever be a story we share with others. Knowing this and now writing it in black and white…. ahhhhhhhh it makes my heart happy.
Another deep inhale to catch my breath.
As our adventure continues down it’s already storied path, I feel myself opening up to things I have rejected or ignored for so long. I continue to follow your lead because you have given me the freedom to feel vulnerable and the safe space to explore what another version of my life could look like. Your romantic optimism is beautiful and incredibly intoxicating. You are my guiding light and I will continue to follow you because it feels so good. YOU feel so good.
As people keep saying, we are a modern day love story. A story that makes jaws drop and minds swirl with questions. Everyone is curious. Everyone wants to know the stories. Everyone wants to know the secret. We are like magic, illusive and unexplainable, and who doesn’t love magic?
What I see so clearly now is that it’s not the fact that we have told each other “I love you” so quickly that shocks people….it’s that they realize almost instantaneously they may never have an experience like ours.