To the moon and back...November 4, 2015
What an incredible journey we've had in such a short time...I have experienced some the highest highs and the lowest lows with you over this past year and a half.
When I think back on all of our memories; the places we've gone, the laughs we shared, the tears we've cried, the breath we've stolen from each other in moments of passion and pain, the dancing, the drinking, the showers, the sex, the fights, the arguments, the making up, the nights out on the town, the nights home on the couch, the games we played, the big words you learned, the music we shared, the photo-booths, the Polaroids, the dishes left in the sink, the nagging to clean up, the cuddling in bed, the toe cuddling because it's too hot to actually cuddle, the day we got the dog, the days on end we've argued about the dog, the trips on a plane, the friends we've met, the friends we've shared and so so so much more...I know, without question, the greatest part of it all was the love we had for one another that bonded us together. It's a love few are lucky enough to experience once or twice in a lifetime and some people never experience at all. It didn't matter that you were young and I had one foot in the grave, the love couldn't escape us. We were destined to meet, destined to fall in love and maybe even destined to fall apart.
I will have many regrets when I think back on our relationship, but I will never regret finding your ring, sending you a message and asking you to come over that fateful night. The pain I'm experiencing now, every tear, every heartache and every knot in my stomach is worth it for the love I experienced with you. If Harry Potter magic wands existed...I would wave it over our heads and step back into time to mend your broken heart and knock the walls down around mine.
Maybe one day we will cross paths again at a time that is better suited for who we want and need to be in each other's lives. I'm looking forward to seeing you in the future and getting to know the expanded version of yourself as you continue to grow on your own personal journey. I will certainly miss blazing the path together and hate to think of all I am going to miss out on as we break our lives apart, but I am thankful that this weekend left things between us in a really great place...a beautiful place. For the first time in months we had compassion, vulnerability, tenderness and comfort. We left each other with laughter and love instead of anger and bitterness which is exactly how I hoped everything would be if we ever parted ways.
My tears haven't stopped but at some point they will and I will have the strength to be the friend you need and I promised to be for you. I'm sorry I can't do that now and that I can't give you a time as to when I will break free from the pain of thinking about what could have been, but I need to honor myself and give it as much time as needed. The words I love you somehow don't justify how I feel about you and I'm sorry if there was ever even the briefest moment at which you didn't feel the magnitude of my love or questioned its existence at all. I have never been over you or moved on in anyway and even though I must start that process now, know you will always carry a special place within the confines of my mind. I love and adore you...for now, forever and for always.
To the moon and back!